What My Kid Said To My Date…

Embarrassing but true stories of what little ones have said when their single parents step out for the night.

By Chelsea Kaplan

t’s true: Kids say the darnedest things. While candid outbursts can be funny, when you’re a dating single parent and your child makes an off-the-cuff comment directed at your date, it isn’t always so entertaining. Be it a question about your romantic plans or a comment about your personal habits, when your kid pipes up around a date, it can be embarrassing enough for you to think about that old adage that kids should be seen and not heard. If you’ve experienced such a mortifying moment, take solace that you’re in the company of these parents below:

Whine and cheese
“Once, a date came to pick me up and my six-year-old son said to him, ‘Are you
“Mom, this is like the 100th guy who’s come to take you out!” he said.
gonna take my mom to a cheesy restaurant like the last guy did?’ I guess he had overheard me telling my sister about the time a date took me to The Cheesecake Factory, and misinterpreted it as ‘cheesy!’”
—Susan, 37, Bayside, NY

True colors
“The day before I had a big date, I took my seven-year-old daughter with me to the hair salon to get my hair colored. The next evening when my date arrived at my house, she goes, ‘Make sure you look at how much better my Mommy’s hair looks without all that gray!’ I turned a few different shades of red, but he just chuckled and said, “I’ll make sure I do, sweetheart!’”
—Margaret, 41, Cincinnati, OH

Jean therapy
“One night during the early stages of my dating my now-wife, Marie, my 13-year-old daughter nastily said to her, ‘You know, Marie, no one has worn jeans like that since the 80s.’ I was so embarrassed by her behavior, I was speechless, but Marie piped back, ‘You know, my dear, no one has talked to me like that—ever!’ I guess Marie’s raising three daughters made her an expert in how to handle smart-aleck adolescents! My daughter never again challenged her after that.”
—Greg, 47, Summit, NJ

Big numbers
“After my divorce, I jumped right back into dating. Perhaps a little bit too enthusiastically; I probably dated about 20 different guys in the first few months. Once a guy came to pick me up and right in front of him my 11-year-old son goes, ‘Gee Mom, how many dates have you had? This is like the
“I was totally mortified—I wanted to fall into the floor and vanish!”
100th guy who’s come to take you out!’ I was completely embarrassed, yet I did consider the truth in his comment. I made a point to really slow down after that incident.”
—Janine, 37, Morgantown, WV

Finders keepers?
“When I first introduced my daughter to a guy I had been seeing for some time but wasn’t quite sure if he was The One, she said — right in front of him — ‘Mom, is this the guy you were telling Grandma you weren’t sure if he was a keeper?’ I wanted to fall into the floor! Though I was totally mortified at that moment, it may have been a blessing in disguise. We ended up breaking up pretty soon after that, and it was definitely for the best. I met my now-husband pretty soon after our breakup!”
—Pavarti, 39, Las Vegas, NV

Flower power
“On one of our first dates, my boyfriend Chris took me to a luau-themed party. When he came to pick me up, my son Adam answered the door, after which Chris presented me with an orchid flower lei. Adam, who was about seven years old then, said, “Wow, Mommy, that was nice of that man to give you such a good lei!’ It took a lot of control to not burst out laughing!”
—Cherie, 35, St. Simon’s Island, SC

Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor at Her blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at
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