The Art Of Allure

Vivien Leigh had it. Sophia Loren owned it. Audrey Hepburn defined it, and you can tap into it. We’ll show you how.

By Marcia Jedd

re what seem like promising first dates not leading to second dates? Just look at the most alluring movie stars of yesteryear. Their elegance and personal charm are timeless and irresistible. You can have it, too; it just takes a little practice to become skilled at the art of allure. Follow these tips for tapping into your own sense of sweet seduction and you may find yourself turning down offers:

Those Southern belles had the “It” factor in
Show old-fashioned kindness and courtesy, and people will notice.
spades. Show old-fashioned kindness and courtesy, and people will notice. Always say please and thank you, and (this one’s very important, particularly when you’re on a date) treat others with respect, especially those who are seating you, taking your order or serving you dinner. Don’t interrupt people when they’re talking — and chew with your mouth closed. (Your mother was right.)

Tight lips
Don’t be an easy tell-all. Save some of the good stuff for later. This allows your date to truly experience the utterly charming you. Of course you don’t want to come across as vague or evasive. Avoid spilling a lot of details up front. Save your relationship dramas and detailed stories about your personal life for when you care about the person and the feeling is reciprocated.

Body language reveals
More than 90 percent of our communication is communicated nonverbally. Positive body language such as good posture and eye contact, a genuine smile (see tip below), sincere nodding and other friendly gestures will win you more favor than any words. Ditch patronizing touches, signs of nervousness and displays of closed or invasive body language. If you feel like you trust the person, show it. Likewise, if you feel inclined to flirt, do so.

Curry favor
Show your interest — if it’s genuine. Ask open-ended questions. Remember, people generally love to talk about themselves, so make sure
Indeed there is a biological reaction to having a “sticky” gaze.
more than half of your conversation time is geared toward them and what they think. The more you listen, the more you may endear yourself to someone.

Need a couple more tips?
Communications expert Leil Lowndes, author of books including How to Instantly Connect with Anyone: 96 All-New Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships and How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, tells her audiences to consider:

The eyes have it
Keep your gaze on the guy; unless it feels like you’re staring, don’t break eye contact until after he has finished speaking. There is a biological reaction to having a “sticky” gaze. It can spark the same reaction we have when we fall in love: increased heart rate and a bit of an endorphin rush. Plus, when you make eye contact with him, he’ll feel like he has captivated you.

Be slow to smile
Don’t smile too easily or frequently. Instead, make it a slow smile. This will not only boost your allure, but you’ll also be perceived with more credibility and integrity than a constantly grinning person. Look at his face for a bit. Pause. Take it in. Now smile.

Marcia Jedd is a freelance writer in the Midwest.
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