Fools For Love

In honor of April 1st may we present some totally true, “I can’t believe I did that!” tales of romance.

By Chelsea Kaplan

hen it comes to wooing and winning someone over, love has a way of making us do foolish things—things that we may later regret, but we never forget. We’ll spend a mad amount of money on a date, dole out completely over-the-top compliments, dedicate a whole evening to composing the perfect three-line email… but, trust us, all of those moves are small potatoes compared to what some people do in Cupid’s name. Consider, if you will, the following “You did what?!” stories which we offer up in honor of April Fools everywhere.

Trial by talk show
“I was dating a guy for about nine months when we received a call from the producers of The Montel Williams Show. My boyfriend had a daughter from a previous marriage and his
“I threw up and passed out right there!”
ex was accusing me of trying to ‘replace’ her as a mother. I was absolutely adamant about not airing my personal life on national TV, but I was so afraid that he would break up with me if I didn’t go with him for support. So I went, and it was a complete circus! The audience was screaming at us and the ex-wife had to be restrained by security guards because she almost tried to hit me! The only good thing was the free trip to New York for three days.”
—Jayde Simpson, 33, Portland, OR

Good enough to eat?
“After dating my Norwegian girlfriend for nine months, she took me home to Oslo to meet her family. On our first night, her mother prepared a huge feast where I would be introduced to her entire family. The main course: smalahove, a Norwegian delicacy involving a sheep’s head that has been smoked for days. You eat it all—the sheep’s eyes, tongue, etc. I knew I couldn’t insult her family by refusing it, so I drank tons of beer and then gulped some down. It was absolutely disgusting. We didn’t work out, but I must admit, eating sheep’s eyes was far worse than the breakup.”
—Garret Mitchell, 31, Austin, TX

Trying to ink the deal
“I once dated a girl who was into tattoos. Though not the tattoo type — I am deathly afraid of needles — I allowed her to talk me into getting a tattoo because she said it would turn her on. The minute I saw the tattoo artist come at me with
I threw up and passed out right there in the tattoo parlor.
that needle, I threw up and passed out right there in the tattoo parlor. She broke up with me a few days later, but at least I don’t have a tattoo to remind me of her!”
—Brian Royston, 28, San Francisco, CA

Dancing fool
“I am a Mormon from Utah, and shortly after college I met and fell in love with a man from Chile who was obsessed with salsa dancing. I am completely lacking in the rhythm department and really hate dancing, yet I agreed to attend a salsa class with him. He told me it was a ‘beginner’ class, but as soon as I arrived, it was clear everyone had been practicing for years. During the first class, I slipped during a move and broke my ankle. He was so annoyed that he never asked me out again. Um, he was annoyed?!”
—Katie Leavitt, 28, Chicago, IL

Taking the plunge
“After dating my boyfriend for about three years, I surprised him with a skydiving lesson for his birthday. My job was to chauffeur him, take pictures, praise his bravery, etc. But on our drive to the skydiving site, he started needling me about going with him. In an effort to show him what a cool girlfriend I was, I agreed. Bear in mind, I’m a white-knuckled flier, the kind who needs a stiff drink the minute the ‘fasten seatbelt’ sign goes on. You can imagine how sick I felt while waiting to go up in that plane. While everyone else was getting prepped on the ground, I was in the Porto-John with an upset stomach. But I did it! And I’m certainly not saying it’s the reason we got married, but I think that crazy stunt helped him know I was the one to face any challenge with him.”
—Brett Hill, 38, New York, New York

Writer Chelsea Kaplan once entered a pie-eating contest to impress a date… a cream-pie-eating contest. She’s lactose-intolerant, by the way.
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