Ask Dr Gilda-At 58, is it too late?

Ten years after her divorce, a reader wonders whether she should work a little harder at finding lasting love.

By Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D.

ear Dr. Gilda,
I’m 58, have been divorced for more than 10 years, my kids are gone, and I’ve had three serious relationships over that time, two from online dating. I don’t really feel that anything’s missing, and yet I wonder if I should be searching harder for a relationship. My last few dating experiences have been with men who were either flat-out boring or who came on WAY too quickly. There’s a part of me that wonders whether I am even meant to find someone at this point in life. Is there a way to tell?
— All Haystack, No Needles

Dear Haystack,
Who ever said everyone should be married by a certain age or date? Marriage isn’t for everyone, and neither is dating, especially when you’re lukewarm about it. The fact is, if you’re not really into being in love, your lackluster attitude will
Savor your independence for as long as you want it and follow your own timeline.
show — and you’ll attract guys who also lack luster. Such mutual UN-attraction could be why your most recent online dating experiences have fallen flat. As my Gilda-Gram says, “What you project, your dates will reflect.” So if you feel apathetic, so will these men.

Surely it’s not as though you don’t know how to love. You’ve already had a marriage and three serious love affairs. And your track record also proves you know how to meet and greet guys online. So why are you giving yourself such a hard time now?

Girlfriend, savor your independence for as long as you want it and follow your own timeline. If you’re not interested in romance at the moment, that’s fine. But this doesn’t mean your life is over. Apply your zest for enjoying serious suitors to some other passionate undertakings. For example:
  1. Travel to an exotic place you’ve never visited. Go alone or with a friend. You’ll interact with new people, and your fascination will attract folks with similar interests.

  2. Immerse yourself in a foreign language and gather new friends with whom to practice your new tongue.

  3. Cultivate tons of girlfriends. A new friend of mine I barely knew introduced me to her brother — and a year later, we were engaged!

  4. Instead of worrying whether you should or shouldn’t look for love, just BE! And while you’re BEING, be open to all possibilities.
You’ve got plenty of time to decide what you want. Haystack, just be sure you will know what to do with a Needle if you find one! Usually, wonderful people pop up when we least expect them. In the meantime, live it up, lap it up, love it up! If and when you’re ready for another permanent bond, your gut will tell you.

Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D., gives Instant Advice throughout the world via Skype, email and phone. She is the 30-Second Therapist for Her best-selling books include Don’t Bet on the Prince!, 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity and How to Win When Your Mate Cheats. Please visit her website at (
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